My favorite piece of jewelry is a gold necklace—a dainty chain and a small gold disc that resembles a British pound coin. The outer edge of the pendant has a tiny scalloped edge circling the round shape, which gives it a unique beauty. On one side the word Hope is engraved, and on the other, the words There’s More in You Than You Know.
I purchased this pendant as a gift for myself back in 2016, when I was stepping into a new chapter of ministry, leadership, and powerful awakening.
The words on this pendant still have a hold on my soul today, yet in a little different sense. I think back to years ago, the newness of the opportunity standing in front of me, and I was equally thrilled and terrified. My ambivalence got the best of me, and I didn’t yet know the sound of my voice, let alone how to use it. I needed those words to tell me something I didn’t know about myself. I needed someone to speak these words over me so I could learn the sound of them and seek to grasp them. I needed their encouragement to help me come alive and awakened to all that lives within my lovely Indian and Pakistani brown body.
Now, in this chapter of my mid 30s, the seven short words on my pendant aren’t as much telling me something I don’t know as they are reminding me of the truth I have come to understand and have been held by. These words hold a soft and gentle whisper of truth that I still need, but more through a sense of reminding and remembrance.
There Is More in You Than You Know reminds me…
I’ve packed up my car and moved states away, during a pandemic, as a single young woman—and I can do it again.
When I have a nagging pulse of pain in my lower back, I don’t have to be strong and just get through it. I can use my knowledge and resources to call my insurance company (with grit and patience), and learn which doctors are in my network so I can receive care.
When I answer a question from a peer about something in my personal story, and as I walk away from the call, I notice a sense of incongruence in my spirit. I can go back with humility and share the reality of what I hope to be true, acknowledging the humbling distance from which I stand in a “not yet” reality.
More than once, I have gotten on a plane and crossed International seas by myself. This has become an opportunity that holds gratitude, aliveness, and joy.
When I am invited to step into a new place of grief and sorrow within my journey, I can remember that I have “walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and I will fear no evil, for your rod and your staff they comfort me.” This leads me to remember that grief and pain do not get the final word; I am blessed and will be comforted in my mourning.
Though there have been seasons of dark unknown, deep fear, and roiling disruption, I can remember that they were fleeting in the coming and going. I found steady anchors, tucked myself under the wing of my Comforter and Protector, and found myself preserved when the seas calmed.
When I feel like there is no hope left in me, even there God will meet me.
It may come through a horse and a bucket in my Equine Therapy, but nonetheless, God knows and is present in His magnificent creation.
There is something about the subtle and sweet reminders of who I am and where I’ve been that bring a sense of deep, stable, inner trust. I can do hard things, and I have done many hard things. These broad categories of “hard things” have shaped me and actually have helped form an inner trust of myself. The hard things have offered back to me a sense of becoming the wildly curious and tenaciously resilient young woman that I am today.
The dainty and stunning gold necklace holds a story of the past, where I have been, and the present, where I am now. It isn’t new truth to me, but it holds as a refreshing and tender reminder that, “Girl, you’ve come a long way, and you will continue to go far as you stay steady–and trust yourself.”
Sandhya Oaks is a ministry leader, spiritual director, writer, and speaker. She is fiercely committed to inviting people to curiosity and possibility through hosting Kintsugi Story Workshops and Story Retreats. She is one who brings light to dark places and invites others to courageously do the same. She is a Transracial Adoptee with Pakistani and Indian roots, and her joys include traveling, gathering around the table, and water sports. You can find more of her good work at Sandhyaoaks.com.
Love hearing your voice!! Thank you!